i love accidental penises.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
