Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
