I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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