You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.