tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you would pick up someone in the library
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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