You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
