If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
