Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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