Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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