is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
