____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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