You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
