Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
