I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
