White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
