I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
