Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Semen is not good for contacts.
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He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
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I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize