Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
