Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
