In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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