No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
