I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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