i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize