there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
If that was your dad, he is hot
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
