What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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