guys are only as good as the porn they watch
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
