There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
