My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
