there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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