we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
