It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Congratulations! We have a period
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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