jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
