ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
