She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
