hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
