I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
