there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
