When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
