3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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