So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
