Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
