Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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