Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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