I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
