I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
