Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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