Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
