dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
we made out on top of his cat.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
