Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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