I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
BRING THE BAGELS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
