Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
