I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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