we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
