I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
