sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
