she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Couch. On fire.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
