now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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