I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
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