Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
